Too Damned Cute
by thisismargie
Summary: When Brendon ends up at Ryan's show, he doesn't arrive to listen to music. He just wanted to see Ryan.


Blah…

His honey colored eyes lowered as he was spotted at the club that his friend was playing at. He hadn't planned on being noticed; much less even present but he just couldn't help himself. He had told Brendon that he would be there just because he was in town and that he liked the songs, because he was his best friend. But the truth was that, in real life, without all of the pretend stuff, he was there just because he missed Brendon. Not only missed him, but he loved him. A lot.

Now, Ryan wasn't ever really dependant on anyone in his life. He couldn't be. With an alcoholic father and a mother who wasn't there, no siblings to look up to or learn from, who could he look up to? Who could he depend on to help him survive a hellish life like he had? Only Brendon. Brendon had been there since the very beginning, as Spencer and Jon had been. But it was only Brendon that Ryan had trust like he had in him. Ryan, in reality, was very dependant of Brendon. He wouldn't be here if it hadn't been for him.

With Ryan in this club, he let his emotions get the best of him, letting them lead him to this club in hopes of hearing the beautiful voice he had heard thousands of times before. He ignored the whispers of many teenagers, probably old Panic! fans, the vibration of his phone in his pocket and the heaviness of his heart, because he knew that Brendon could never feel the same way. Brendon had Sarah. Ryan had Elizabeth. Just a substitute. He just focused his eyes on the dark-brown haired boy on the stage.

Brendon was very excited for tonight, with no reason in particular. Ryan had told him that he would be here tonight, just because he really liked the new album and just because he was in town. At first, Brendon's heart fluttered for about an hour after Ryan told him he'd be there. But Brendon's hear was also heavy. He loved Ryan just as much as Ryan loved him, maybe even more than that. But he had to keep his feelings hidden. His feelings for Ryan could pose a problem for Sarah and Z, one of the things that just irritated him.

"This song," He started as he began Nearly Witches. "Was actually written by someone very special to me." He smiled as people began cheer, but also to whisper and look around in the crowd. Ryan hoped that he would be unnoticed. Brendon was completely oblivious.

"This person was like my best friend. My brother." Brendon considered if those were even the right words to describe Ryan. "And… yeah. This song I can kind of dedicate this one to him. Ryan Ross." He smiled.

The whole room cheered and Brendon scanned the room, looking for some sign of Ryan. He laid eyes on him, looking lost in thought. Ryan was so caught up in Brendon's words that he didn't notice Brendon looking dead at him. Ryan smiled and casually waved. Brendon's heart skipped a beat, just as Ryan's did when they made eye contact. For the rest of the show, all Ryan could do was just sit and watch, not really listening to the music. He knew it by heart already anyway. Brendon's heart didn't stop skipping a beat every time he thought about Ryan's honey colored eyes meeting his chocolate colored eyes.

After the show, everyone kind of shuffled out of the club gradually after a while of conversations, glares, and etcetera. Brendon was talking to Spencer and Ryan walked up to the stage to greet them. Before he even got there, Brendon hopped off the stage and gave Ryan a big, friendly hug. Ryan couldn't help but blush and admire the feeling in his stomach. Brendon's heart was just about to stop if he wasn't careful.

"Hey, Ry!" He let Ryan go.

"Brendon! How are you?"

"Good, you?"

"Awesome. The show was great. I really liked Vices and Virtues. You're still surprising people, you and Spence."

"Yeah, you and The Young Veins, as well."

"Thanks… Hey Spence." He came off the stage, too, and Ryan gave him a hug. "How you been?"

"Great," Spencer replied. "You surprised me, being here and all. How are you?"

"Yeah, I surprised a lot of people. Jon was sick and he didn't want me stuck in the house with him so he said I should go. I told Bren I was coming and I'm doing well."

"Cool. Hey, we're gonna chill for a while over at our room in the hotel. The bus is… somewhere."

"Getting' fixed," Brendon said. "You should come by or something…" Brendon really hoped Ryan would say yes.

Ryan wanted to say yes. Yes right away. But Jon…

'Uh, let me tell Jon first. Just in case, you know?" He said.

"Yeah, sure," Brendon said, somewhat disappointed.

Ryan frowned at his expression and took out his cell and called Jon, who was probably in bed. "Hello?" Ryan could hear the coarseness of Jon's voice.

"Hey, Jon. Um, you need me back at the house? Bren and Spence wanted to hang out but I didn't wanna leave you all alone, just in case…"

"Oh, it's fine. Go ahead, have some fun. You've been at home, like, all day. So… go for it."

"You sure? If you need anything, just call me, 'kay?"

"Yeah, don't worry. Just when you get home, bring me a tea or something warm. Soup."

"Gotcha. See you later, Johnny Boy."

"Adios, Ry." Ryan hung up and smiled at Brendon.

"Yeah, we're all good. Let's go."

Brendon was the happiest man alive at this point.

Ryan was the second.

Brendon and Spencer's Hotel Room

"You want something to drink, Ry?" Brendon asked.

"Whatcha got?" He asked like they were teenagers.

"Uhh….. Coke, water, Arizona, Sprite….."

"Let me have an Arizona."

"Lemon, peach, or raspberry?"

"Lemon." Brendon handed a tall can to Ryan and sat on the couch next to him.

"How's Z?" Spencer asked.

"Good, I guess," Ryan replied. To be honest, he really didn't know. She hadn't called him recently. He didn't know where she was, really. "How is Hayley?"

"Great! She just went on vacation with her parents… to Hawaii."

"That's nice. How's Sarah, Brendon?"

"She's fine." He didn't want to talk about her much. With Ryan here, all he wanted was to think about him.

"When's your next show?"

"Uh, in three days. We have a free day tomorrow."

"That's awesome. What did you guys do today?"

"Just hung out in here. We were tired," Spencer said.

"Yeah…" Brendon said, wishing that he had spent it with Ryan. He looked away out the window, imagining him and Ryan. He could picture it perfectly. Just them being them, holding hands, no one holding them back. Special moments that they'd have with each other, the sweet conversations, just them all out together. But then the little piece of reality that it would never happen as much as he wanted it to. He held back a tear.

Ryan could sense that Brendon was in deep thought. He turned to Spencer and started talking to him about life and everything else. Brendon had nodded off and after two hours or so, Spencer told Ryan goodnight and that he was going to bed in the other room. Ryan smiled and said goodnight also and turned back to Brendon. He looked him over, admiring the beautiful boy. He looked so peaceful as he slept. As Ryan kept staring, Brendon's eyes fluttered open, melting Ryan's heart but, also scaring him.

"How long have I been asleep?" Brendon asked, sitting up. He hoped he didn't look ridiculous.

"Uh… An hour or so, I guess. Spence went to sleep just, like, a minute ago."

"Oh, wow. I'm surprised you're not gone yet. It's, like, eleven." Brendon looked at the clock.

"Me and Spence had a lot to talk about."

"I see. You leaving yet?"

"You want me to?"

"Not really." Ryan couldn't help but wonder if Brendon wanted him to stay for the same reason he wanted to stay.

"Okay then. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know…" Brendon had an idea but wasn't sure if Ryan was thinking the same thing. But Ryan was. Brendon just didn't know that.

"I know this is going to sound childish but, let's play….. Truth or Dare."

"Okay… You go first."

"Truth or dare?"

"Um… truth."

"Is it true that when we were on the bus last time the band was together, you stole Jon's cookies?" Brendon laughed at the thought.

"Yeah. He never got 'em back. Truth or dare?"

"Dare." Brendon scanned the room.

"I dare you to….." His eyes landed on the phone. "Call room service and order, like, everything on the menu."

"Gonna be a lot of money on your bill, Bren." Brendon grinned.

"I'm not paying." Ryan grinned, too. He waltzed over to the phone and dialed room service.

"Room service," a woman on the other line greeted Ryan.

"Hi, um, I'm having a little get together with a few of my friends and I wanted one of everything on the menu. Would that be okay?"

"Umm… sure. Hold on a sec." She yelled at somebody in the background. "Well, it will be ready in about an hour and a half or so. Is that alright?" Ryan looked a Brendon.

"An hour and a half sound good?" He asked Brendon.

"Yeah, sure. We'll do something."

"Yeah, that's fine, " Ryan said into the receiver.

"Alright. Have a good night."

"Yeah, you, too." He hung up the phone and turned to Brendon.

Brendon got up and walked to the fridge. He grabbed a Sprite can out of the fridge and slowly closed it. "So, Ryan… we have an hour to kill."

"Yup. Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to tell me your deepest, darkest secret that you've never told anyone. Not even me." Ryan had planned to get at least one thing out of him. Brendon was surprised.

The secret was that he loved Ryan Ross and wouldn't tell anyone because he was scared of what Ryan would say, not other people. He could care less about them.

He moved closer to Ryan and, not knowing why he did it, Ryan blushed a little.

"You really want to know?"

"Tch. Yeah." Brendon took a sip of his Sprite.

"Well….. The secret that no one has ever known, not even you….." Brendon's mind was screaming "Tell him!" but his mouth was hesitant. "Is that…" He took another sip of his Sprite.

Ryan was anxious to know. If it wasn't even about him, he wouldn't have cared. As long as he knew. But he hoped with all his heart that maybe it was about him. The heart that he hoped with pounded as he waited for an answer. Brendon decided to just give in.

"The secret is that I love you. I love you and your impossible nature, your cute smile and everything about you. I know you don't feel the same way but, that's how I feel." Brendon looked away, the Sprite in his stomach swirling in confusion.

Ryan was shocked. He didn't know that Brendon had felt this way about him. He wished Brendon had but never dreamed that it would be true. He knew better than to wish for the impossible. Ryan's tiny body was overcome with feelings of joy he couldn't stand. As he fell, he was surrounded in Brendon's arms and he locked his gaze with Brendon's. He could barely speak but Ryan managed to get the words he needed out.

"I… I love you."

Brendon's chocolate eyes widened and he smiled. He pulled Ryan up with him, keeping his eyes on his. "You do?"

"Yeah." Ryan, with Brendon's arms around him, could now stand on his own. "I've been hiding it for so long. I didn't think you felt the same way." He grabbed Brendon's face.

"Me either… I've always felt that way about you." Ryan put his arms around Brendon's neck and pressed his lips to Brendon's.

At first, Brendon couldn't believe that this was happening. He thought it was a dream and that he'd wake up eventually. But he came to realize that this was not, in fact, a dream. This was real and because it was, he kissed Ryan back. Ryan's hand ran through Brendon's soft hair and he pushed his hips against Brendon's. Brendon pulled away, a little surprised.

"What?" Ryan asked out of breath. Brendon glanced down to show Ryan what he was talking about.

"Oh. Sorry."

"Don't say sorry. You just surprised me." Brendon smiled and captured Ryan's lips again. He moved his hands to Ryan's hips.

Ryan licked Brendon's pink bottom lip, a whimper escaping from Brendon's mouth. Ryan took the chance to enter Brendon's mouth and explore every inch of it. He caused moans to come from the back of Brendon's throat. Ryan slowly backed them up to the couch, pushing Brendon down and putting his knee between his legs, hovering over Brendon. Brendon's legs tingled with excitement.

"Ryan…" Brendon whispered as Ryan pulled his mouth away from him. Ryan smirked.

"Yes?"

Ryan was in total control, which he loved. Brendon would do anything at this moment, just how Ryan wanted him to be. He wished he could've had this moment sooner. The feeling of having Brendon the way he always wanted him was more than the best feeling he's ever experienced.

Brendon, on the other hand, was completely lost. He wanted Ryan in the same way Ryan wanted him but he was so shocked at how Ryan was so dominant. Ryan had always been one to take charge, picky even. But it was just a surprise to Brendon. This whole night was a surprise to him.

Ryan kissed Brendon's lips and planted soft kisses on his cheek and all down his neck. Brendon put his hands on Ryan's chest and fingered at the buttons on his shirt. He held back a moan as Ryan found a particular spot on his neck. Ryan bit and sucked at the spot in hopes of hearing Brendon. Brendon couldn't hold back.

"Ryan, oh my God."

"There we go. I was wondering where you went," Ryan said smiling into his neck.

Ryan was getting a little confident and Brendon knew that. He needed a blow to his confidence. As Ryan continued to work on Brendon's neck, marking Brendon as his, Brendon moved his hands from his chest to his thighs, feeling Ryan through his jeans. Then Ryan moaned loudly, giving Brendon a sour look.

"Don't do that!" Ryan snapped. Brendon smirked.

"That's just what I wanted to hear."

There goes a low blow to Ryan's confidence. Literally. Ryan's eyes narrowed and Brendon did it again.

"Fuck, stop!" Brendon laughed quietly and got closer to Ryan's face, making Ryan feel small and out of control.

"Oh, come on. You know you like it." Brendon gave him a dirty look. Ryan blushed bright red and pushed Brendon back against the couch.

"As a matter of fact…" Ryan ran his hand up his thigh. "I do."

"Then why is it such an issue?" Ryan bit his lip. He put his legs on either side of Brendon's and sat on his lap.

"It's just that….." He looked away from Brendon. Brendon gazed at the boy on his lap and kissed his face.

"You feel like you're not in control?" Ryan nodded. Brendon grinned at how much Ryan looked like a little kid." Well, if it makes you feel better, you look so cute when you're upset."

Ryan smiled. "Thanks…"

"And….. I'll let you do whatever you want…" Ryan rolled his eyes.

"Yay," He said sarcastically. "Really?"

"Mhm. And I won't touch you unless you let me."

"Oh, fine. And you can if you want…" Ryan grinned evilly. Brendon, taking advantage of this, picked Ryan up and laid him on the couch so that he'd be on top of him. He straddled his hips and leaned back down to kiss his lips.

"You're freaking light, Ry."

"I know. You're, like, more than twice my weight." Ryan pulled Brendon to his chest.

Brendon decided that he should give Ryan's neck the same treatment he had received earlier. Ryan moaned when Brendon had found his sweet spot. He ran his hand through Brendon's hair again and he brought his hands down to Brendon's hips and grinded against his. Brendon moaned into Ryan's neck and his breathing sharpened. Brendon got back on his hands and knees over Ryan, creating some space between them. Ryan reached for the button on Brendon's jeans and unzipped them, causing Brendon to quiver. Brendon connected his lips with Ryan's again. Ryan sucked on Brendon's lower lip. Brendon continued to unbutton Ryan's shirt, exposing his chest. A small but well-toned chest.

Then there was a knock on the door.

Brendon slowly tugged his lip out of Ryan's teeth.

"The food's here, Ry."

"I know…" He pouted.

Brendon slowly got up and zipped his pants. Ryan followed and buttoned his shirt back up, as did Brendon. Brendon kissed Ryan once more before he opened the door.

"Room service!" There were about three carts full of food that were rolled in, plus some trays that had more food on them and were placed on the table in front of the couch. When room service left and the door was closed, Ryan and Brendon stared at all of the food in the room.

"How the hell are we going to eat all this?" Brendon asked.

"No clue. But I think I could wolf down at least one piece of everything…"

"Aww, but then you'll be fat. You won't be my little Ryan anymore." Ryan inched closer to Brendon, pressing himself against his chest.

"I'm taller than you, anyway. But I'll always be your little Ryan." He nuzzled his face into Brendon's neck.

"Good. I'd like to keep it that way."

Brendon and Ryan tried to eat all the food and didn't even get halfway done. So, at about one in the morning, Ryan finally left with a huge bag of leftovers for Jon… huge bag.

"You sure he's gonna eat all that?" Brendon asked Ryan before he dropped him off in front of Jon's house.

"Probably not. But I'll help him. And so will Andy." Brendon smiled and kissed Ryan's forehead.

"Alright… well, goodnight, Ry."

"Goodnight, Bren." He kissed him lightly on the lips one more time before he exited the car. "I'll see you…?"

"Tomorrow, maybe." He grinned. "I love you."

Ryan blushed. "I love you, too. Tell Spence I said goodnight."

Brendon nodded, driving away, the most amazing in his heart screaming to be acknowledged. It was like a dream. But a dream so real that he'd have to question whether it was or not. He smiled, hoping that he and Ryan would stay like this forever, just in love.

When Ryan, his stomach still filled with butterflies, entered the house, Jon was on the couch watching The Cable Guy, laughing his ass off while trying to make sure he didn't kill his throat.

"Hey, Jon."

"Hey, Ryan. What's in that bag?"

"Heh, leftovers."

"From what?"

"Me and Bren were playing Truth or Dare and he dared me to call room service and order one of everything off the menu… then… yeah. We tried to eat it all but we didn't even get halfway done. So I brought all this food home for you." Jon looked skeptical.

"Is that all you guys did?" Ryan shifted his weight to one side.

` "Spence and I talked, you know?" He ran his free hand through his hair.

"Did you and Brendon do anything after that?"

"Why are you so curious?

Jon already had an idea. He knew how Ryan felt about Brendon. He always knew. It was blatant. That's why Jon had decided to let Ryan go hang out with him, hoping that maybe Ryan would tell him how he felt. But he never knew how Brendon felt, which made it a risky situation in Jon's eyes.

"I just wanted to know why you got back at one in the morning'"

"Why the hell are you still up?" Ryan sat the food on the coffee table and sat next to Jon.

"I was waiting… I guess."

"For what? Me?"

"Yeah!"

"I see…Well, we played Truth or Dare. Just me and him because Spence wanted to go to sleep."

"How many rounds?"

"One."

"Why?" Jon was looking for any sign of a lie on Ryan's face. Ryan thought back on the events of the night, Brendon's soft lips on his. He ran his hand through his hair again.

"We got kinda sidetracked…" He said, smiling like an idiot.

"How?"

"Eh….. Jon, you have to swear not to say anything to anyone about it!" Jon smirked.

"Promise."

"Well, I dared Brendon to tell me his deepest, darkest secret."

"What was the secret?"

"He said that he loved me and he had felt that way for a while. I told him I did, too and… stuff happened." Ryan grinned.

Jon jumped up feeling accomplished. "I knew it!" He tried to yell but it came out as a croak, scaring the stuffing out of Ryan. "You did love him!"

"Well, yeah. I-"

"And you wanted to go to that show just because it was Brendon!"

"I guess. I-"

"And you love him with all your heart!" He pointed a finger in Ryan's face.

"Completely." Ryan's heart melted at the memories again. Jon smiled.

"Cutest thing I've heard all day, I swear."

"Why's it so important?"

"Because ever since we met, all I could ever wonder is when you'd open up your mouth and fucking tell him. I guess it took you five years to finally admit it."

Ryan thought about that… That was long time.

"Wow. You're right…"

"So, are you guys together?"

" Um, I'm not sure… I'll talk to him about it tomo-" Just then, his cell rang. "Hello?"

"Hey, Ry." Ryan's stomach dropped… a good drop though.

"Brendon?"

"Yup. Well, I probably could've waited 'til tomorrow bit I didn't really want to… in other words, I couldn't wait to ask you. But will you be… my boyfriend?" Ryan blushed madly and looked at Jon.

"He asked!" He mouthed to Jon.

"Say yes!" Jon mouthed back.

"Uh… yeah. Sure, Bren. I'm glad you didn't wait. It would've eaten at me all night."

"Oh, well, me, too."

"But ,what about Sarah?"

"What about Z?"

"She's…..I think she's gone, Bren. Like, out of my life. I haven't heard from her in weeks."

"Wow… Well, I hate to say it but I never really loved Sarah. It was always you… She was just a substitute in a way. I thought I loved her but really, I loved the idea of her."

"Aw, Bren…" Ryan smiled. He wasn't the only one who thought the way he did.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Love you."

"Me, too. Bye."

"Bye." Ryan hung up the phone, still smiling.

Brendon, sitting in his car, was overwhelmed by the emotion of happiness. He had finally admitted to loving the love of his life and now, the love of his life loved him as well. Ryan felt the same emotions, looking at Jon and feeling embarrassed, too.

"What?" He asked. Jon grinned and shook his head.

"You guys are just so damned cute."


End file.
